About relationships. Long, but to the point. 😉
After many consultations this week, I feel deeply moved, and I’ve also prepared some theory for you.
I’ve outlined it in bullet points to make it easier to understand the patterns and healing mechanisms.
I love working with you because you are direct and want to solve problems.
Feel what resonates within you and I invite you to sessions — I’m a practitioner. 🙏
Why Do Men Leave or Become Emotionally Distant?
Bert Hellinger, founder of Family Constellations, believed that men leave, become emotionally unavailable, or abandon relationships mainly due to unconscious, deeply rooted family and systemic dynamics.
Here are the key reasons behind men’s behaviors in relationships:
1. Unresolved Issues from the Past
A man may unconsciously repeat the fate of his father, grandfather, or ancestors who left, were rejected, or abandoned their families.
This often comes from hidden loyalty to the family lineage.
2. Entanglement with the Mother
If a man was overly emotionally attached to his mother (e.g., taking the place of an absent father), he may struggle to build a healthy relationship with a partner.
Subconsciously, he may feel guilty for choosing another woman, leading him to withdraw.
3. Lack of Respect for the Father
If a man rejects or lacks a good relationship with his father, he may struggle to find his masculine strength and stability in a relationship.
As a result, he may become unstable, insecure, or avoid commitment.
4. Inherited Family Traumas
If there are unresolved traumas in the family system — such as death, betrayal, abandonment, or war — the man may unconsciously feel he doesn’t deserve happiness or love, causing him to distance himself from loved ones.
5. Imbalance in Giving and Receiving
Hellinger emphasized that a healthy relationship is based on balance.
If a man feels he gives too much or struggles to receive, he may withdraw to avoid feeling indebted or drained.
6. Not Fully Accepting the Partner
If a man does not fully accept his partner — her story, family, or past — he may subconsciously distance himself or look for an escape.
7. Fear of Intimacy and Commitment
Some men experienced rejection or abandonment in childhood, which makes them afraid of closeness and commitment.
When a relationship becomes too deep, they may run away to avoid potential hurt.
How Do I Work with These Topics?
My work focuses on reaching unconscious beliefs and emotions that cause relationship difficulties — bringing systemic order.
Here are some effective methods I use, depending on the issue:
1. Regression to the Root of the Problem
- Leading the client into deep relaxation and asking the subconscious:
“When was the first time you felt that men leave in your home or family line?” - Allowing images or memories to arise.
- Healing the situation — changing perspective, forgiveness, or saying goodbye to old patterns.
2. Inner Child Work
- Guiding the client to meet their inner child if the issue stems from the relationship with parents.
- Asking the child: “What did you need back then?” and letting the adult self symbolically give it.
- Realizing that the adult client can now care for themselves — breaking the unconscious repetition of patterns.
3. Releasing Family Loyalties
- Asking in a deep state:
“Are you loyal to someone in your family by repeating their fate?” - Using a symbolic technique of returning what does not belong to the client and choosing their own path.
- Inner dialogue with an ancestor who had a similar fate.
4. Working with Giving and Receiving Patterns
- Visualizations to consciously learn to receive love without fear.
- Using metaphors like a flowing river — in a relationship, one must both give and receive.
5. Changing Subconscious Beliefs
- In hypnosis, planting new positive beliefs:
- “I can be loved and stay in a relationship.”
- “I am free from my family history.”
- “I choose to create a healthy, stable relationship.”
- Visualizations of opening a door to a new reality of love and stability.
6. Letting Go of the Past & Making New Decisions
- Visualizing saying goodbye to old patterns — burning a letter, untying symbolic bonds, walking through a gate to a new life.
- Strengthening the decision to build relationships in a new way.
Each session is different and tailored individually to the client’s level of awareness and readiness for change. The key is reaching the root pattern and transforming it on a subconscious level.
Wishing you courage to face the truth…